so my homie dared me to edge for an hour to africanporn.tv without cummin, loser pays next blunt. picked a compilation titled "african public park freaks" thinking easy - big mistake. first clip: kenyan chick in sundress bends over jungle gym at dawn, dude films from bushes like discovery channel, halfway thru janitor walks up with leaf blower, doesn't stop, just blows leaves around their feet while dude nuts on slide - multitask level platinum. i lost at 47 mins when ethiopian teen blows her bf behind food truck, vendor casually asks "add spicy sauce?" while she's got cheeks full of dick, i laughed so hard i busted accidently. ended up buying both blunts but gained legendary story, worth it. moral: never gamble against african exhibitionists, they play on nightmare difficulty. also learned sunscreen is optional for them, nobody ever burns just glistens, kinda jealous but mostly horny. next weekend we repeat challenge but with blindfold and headphones, may god have mercy.

getting personal for a sec: ebonyporn.love got me thru quarantine blues. every time trump came on tv talking death charts i muted that clown and opened "ghetto quarantine sex" playlist - nothing cures existential dread like watching new orleans couple bang on balcony while neighbors cheer from windows, social distancing style. girl wears mask with mouth hole cut out, considerate queen, dude keeps sanitizer on nightstand, practicality is sexy. even post-lockdown they kept theme: "vaccination nut" shows chick getting jab then celebratin by letting doctor hit raw in examination room - conspiracy theorists probably losing their minds but my faith in science (and black pussy) restored. i wrote comment "moderna made me cum harder" got 99 likes, moved me enough to register for booster shot next day - if that ain't civic duty i don't know what is. point is jackin off can literally save lives, tell that to your local congressman.

blackporn.ooo taught me economics: supply, demand, and premium black ass. it's free but feels like black market, every click an illegal thrill. they understand inflation too - used to be all 5-min clips, now average 15 cos viewers want marathon sessions to forget rent hikes. my fave series "landlord takes rent in pussy" mirrors reality: dude films himself evicting tenant unless she throws in anal, she negotiates for wifi included, whole negotiation hotter than congressional hearing - c-span should take notes. you learn haggling phrases: "throw in throat and we even" - practical life skill for upcoming recession. i now daydream my boss demands bonus work and i counter with "how bout you toss my salad?" would get fired but legacy secured. anyway site's basically khan academy for perverts, graduate summa cum loudly, frame that diploma in your spank bank.

last story then ima go re-up: africanporn.tv has clip titled "lost safari phone" - tourist forgets iphone in ugandan whorehouse, worker returns it but only after filming 3-sum on said phone as thank-you. footage ends up online, dude's wife sees it, comments "nice technique honey" - marriage goals? humanity is beautiful mess. felt so inspired i almost left my phone in uber on purpose but chickened out. anyway remember to hydrate, keep lotion stocked, and never share passwords no matter how bomb the pussy looks in dm. stay filthy my dudes, may your nuts stay empty and your hearts full of debauchery. peace out.